Start All Over

I never felt anything even remotely close to the love we shared
Still haven’t
I spent years waiting for you
What was so imperfect and frightening about a life with me?
You were the center of my world
The center of my decision making process
The one thing I treated better than any other part of my life
I was always there when you needed me
I was always there when you craved me
Maybe what I never noticed is that those last two things were pretty much the same
Did you ever see the life I saw?
Did you see the same man in the mirror that I saw every day?
I don’t know what else to do to show you my love
To prove my love and loyalty to you
Yet I was always compared to all the others
It’s been a long time since I heard the voice that once calmed the tempestuous waters of within
I tried to mourn our love over and over again
Each time I said it was the last time
But the love is always what brought me back….
Or maybe it was simply the familiarity of it all
Knowing the sense of your touch
Knowing the half smirk you gave when you tried not to laugh at my stupid facial expressions
The thought of starting over never seemed plausible to me
Our love was one that would always pick up where we left off
But…
Don’t I deserve better than that?
Don’t I deserve a consistent love?
Consistent kisses?
The same man’s arms around me in bed?
I gave you my soul
I got it back…..Piece
By
Piece…
Many nights I wished our love story ended differently
But as I finally accept moving on I’m glad we didn't keep up the charade
That vital parts of the soul that intertwine to become one just never fit
Our parts were too similar
We were meant to be a speed bump in the roads that are our great journeys
I finally release you of my love
I release you from the prisons of my mind
I release you from behind the bars of my twisted soul
I shall start all over
This time I won’t need the bars, the secluded rooms, the guards
This time I won’t need to prepare myself for war
I won’t have to ask God to take the hurt away
I won’t have to ask God to keep the next one out of jail
I won’t have to ask God to mend this broken heart
Although I start over, that doesn't mean my heart doesn't have those temporary cracks
I ask God that the next man is exactly that…A man
I ask God the next man knows how to heal my broken heart with his love
I ask God that the next man appreciates the small things about me and not try and change me
God told me he can fulfill all of this
There is just one thing he needs me to do to receive my blessing
Start all over…