The Bedroom Walls

I can feel the vibrations as I slowly caress the wall

I can hear the argument as if I’m standing in the middle of the battlefield

These walls isolate me from my harsh reality

Take me away while they fight

Let me not hear the sounds of the broken promises and unforgiving pasts

Let these four walls stop me from being part of it

Keep me from feeling like a stranger in what should be my sanctuary

These walls may keep out the visual

But the emotional shoots through these paper thin walls

I can hear the echo of glasses breaking

Their voices screeching

Doors slamming

Curses flying

These walls have seen all the bad times

If only these walls could talk, I wouldn’t be the only one to know what goes on

I stay at my open window, holding back the tears, praying “ Lord Jesus take me away, give me the strength to keep myself together, don’t let them drag me in, God above all else don’t let them drag me in”

Her yelling is filled with despair when she says, “Get out no or I’ll call the cops”

I feel myself shut down, like my body systems shutting down one switch at a time

His footsteps are the only thing to be heard, right out that front door

Who knows when he’ll be back, maybe another 10 months?

It’s her sobbing piercing through these walls, my heart races faster and faster as I pray she doesn’t come in here

“Please don’t let her walk in” I pray as I wipe off any tear that made its way through

I’m left here with her; I’m now the adult, the one to worry about how I’ll get us through this, how I’m going to pay for dinner, and things we need

As she cries I turn to stone, giving no clue as to how much I’m hurting

My brave exterior is what will get us through

These walls haunt me with the painful memories, of depression, a long lost childhood

It’s when I’m alone that I can no longer be strong

I let the shower run as steam fills the bathroom

I stare at the reflection of the cold stranger staring back at me

She looks back at me, gently caressing her black hair

I stare deep into her unfamiliar brown eyes

They are dark and full of anguish

I can see her pain but I cant feel it

I touch the mirror trying to lightly wipe away her tears

It that moment when I realize that girl in the mirror is I

I cry silently to myself, asking God why they continue this

After my shower I go back to those same bedroom walls that held it all

Supposed to be my protector

How do I let anyone besides these walls know I need someone to hug me while I cry

Let me out from behind these walls so I don’t have to bear it

I will bear it no more

I will feel no more

I will cry no more

Behind these bedroom walls